Transitive Property of Math Applied to Love & Divorce

There are two truths that friends have spoken to me, that have helped me tremendously.  The first, a friend who went through something similar a few years ago.  She told me that it helped her tremendously when she took responsibility for her choices.  She choose her partner, she choose to love him, she choose to have children with him, and because her children were half him, she still loved him through her children, otherwise she would hate half her children, and that was not something she was willing to do.

Another friend, used the Transitive Property of Math to help me alter my perception.  If A=B, and B=C, and C=D, than A=D.   So, if I love my children (A), and they are half-Paul, and love their father (B), I can still love Paul (C), and if I love Paul, I can accept his pursuit of happiness (D).  My friend theorized that there was a possibility of something beautiful coming out of this, if I am able to tweak my perception.  Divorce doesn't have to be ugly, it doesn't have to irreparably damage everyone it encounters, and as long as I can focus on the love of my children, I can be happy for Paul.  He is their father, he is a great father, and for the sake of his children, I want him to be happy. 

Thank You to My Friends & Family

My sister has a great mantra in life. You can't control how other people feel, you can only control how you feel.  If my separation and impending divorce have taught me nothing, I have learned that this is much harder to say than do.  Overall, though, I've been able to find some peace with my new situation in life.  I could be bitter, I could be angry, I could fall apart at every given opportunity, and whine and cry all day long.  Sometimes I do all of these things, but somehow I've also managed to be strong, and in a lot of ways I'm weathering this storm with a semblance of grace.

I credit the amazing group of friends and family I have back home, here and in Munich.  They have come to my aide by holding Maggie while she had pneumonia so I could get stuff done around the house.  They have watched my sick children so I could run errands.  They have brought me homemade kimchi and other yummy homemade meals.  They have validated my feelings, whether they be love, anger, sadness or relief.  They have opened their hearts and their homes to me, and they have included me in their families.  They have kept me company, and they have sent me messages of comfort and wisdom.  They have treated me like a queen on my birthday, and they have taken me out to listen to music.  They have edited my resume and helped me with my job search.  They have spoken truths, helped me to alter my perception, and kept me grounded.   Most of all, they have made me feel beautiful, loved and not alone.

Most of all, thank you to my children, who keep me laughing and remind me on a daily basis that life is beautiful.

The Last Love Letter to My Husband

Over the last two years, my posts have been sparse and infrequent, for which there are a couple reasons.  One is that I had joined a theatre group in which I had become fully immersed.  However, the main reason is that it came to my attention in a smack-me-in-the-face sort-of-way that my marriage was failing, and I turned all my energy towards saving my marriage and my family. 

I strongly believe in the vows that I took when I married Paul almost nine years ago.   I made a vow, I made a promise, and I honor my word.  However, no matter how hard you try, willpower is not always enough to save a marriage.  Both of us our to blame, both of us have failed each other in many ways.  And in the end, both of us were miserable, and it was negatively affecting our children. 

On January 1st 2012, after a year-and-a-half of working on our marriage, we made the very hard decision to separate.  Yes the decision was mutual, and breaking up our family was the most painful decision I have ever made.   However, in the end, we both believe it is for the best.  I can't speak for Paul, but I have been mourning the ideal of my marriage and family, and what I had hoped for my life.  It has been a mixture of relief, sadness, anger, peace and lingering love. 

Despite our problems, Paul will always hold a special place in my heart.  He is after all the father of my children, and my children are half him.   Because he gave Max and Maggie to me, I will always be grateful to him, and the eleven years we had together.  We took an amazing journey together, a roller coaster of ups and downs; we have been weak, and we have been strong.   If I am to believe in destiny, or a greater design in life, I do believe we were meant to be together for this time, and we were meant to give our children to the world. 

I also have to believe that our marriage was never meant to be forever, that it was meant to be for this amount of time it lasted.  That we were meant to come to Germany together.  That the door on our marriage is closing so other doors can open.  Paul, I wish you all the best in your life and your pursuit of happiness.  It is time to tear down this wall, so we can build anew. 

Love,

Diana

Comments & Questions

Hi. Sorry that I haven't replied to many of the comments I have received.  I wasn't getting them in my email box, so I wasn't responding.  Anyways, the answer to the CSA in Munich, isn't a CSA, but it is a delivery from an organic farm, and the one I used is Amperhof, though I believe there are others as well. 

What do Aliens Eat?

Max:  Momma, what are you eating?

Me:  Indian food.

Max:  What is that?

Me:  Well, we eat lots of different kinds of food from different places.  Leberkase and wurst are German foods, hamburgers and barbeque are American, and pizza and spaghetti are Italien. 

Max: And Alien?