While I have been having a lot of great days lately, and I've managed to take a lot of life's minor set-backs for what they are, tiny little speed-bumps, there are days, when nothing seems to go right. Today was one of those days.
Woke up this morning, feeling like hell, head cold and fever. I was supposed to pick Maxi and Maggie up at 7:30am to take them to their annual physical, but realized that I wasn't going to be able to. I called their father to see if he could take them, but he couldn't re-arrange his work schedule. So instead, he called to reschedule their appointments, and the kids came straight here this morning.
Normally, on a day when I have a fever, I'd let the kids watch movies on our desktop, but life seemed to be conspiring against me today. The desktop won't turn on, so that means we had to survive on the handful of DVDs we have and the portable DVD players we use in the car. Putting them in front of DVDs all day, so I can rest. Well, we did manage to squeeze some reading, some play dough, making of waffles and snuggle time today, but I know that the kids would have preferred to be with their father and his fun new roommate today. This is when I feel, like I completely fail as a mother.
Then Paul asked if he could take the kids away for another long weekend, the third weekend this summer. Which I really shouldn't be upset about, but I'm already feeling like the kids are happier with their father, where they get the attention of two adults, not just one. One mother, who is trying to split her time between the kids, get everything in the house done, and all the errands run, as well as trying to reinvent herself while smiling the entire time.
After the kids were picked up by their father, I decided to take a nap, before I picked up my mantle of reinvention, only to be woken up by a friend calling with some bad news causing him to renig on a promise. Now, normally in a situation like this, I would be able to listen with a symphathetic ear, but instead I started crying on the phone feeling sorry for myself, which was embarrassing and sort of pathetic, and not at all the kind of person I want to be.
So I called my best friend, and like she always does she gave me the best advice:
--Let yourself cry, let yourself be sad, but remember, this, too, shall pass.
After that I turned on Jewel, and then I read my friend Katya Barry's blog, where she gave some really good advice in a post about getting over your past, eliminating old beliefs and prejudices so . And it reminded me of just what I needed to do today, which is let it all go, so I can focus on the future I'm trying to create for the kids and me in our new family of three.